(Originally posted April 3, 2013)
My heart is racing while I type this. I’m pretty sure this is stuff I should edit out later, but I know I’ll be too lazy to. I imagine I sound a bit like I’ve been drinking, but it was only coffee, and I’m quite sure I asked for decaf.
So, this new blog. I freely admit, I totally stole the title of the blog from Neil Gaiman, told to me by The Bloggess herself. Well, she didn’t just tell me personally, she told a bunch of people sitting and standing around in a Barnes & Noble. But anyway, she said she was doing a crappy job of recording an audiobook version of her book “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”, and she sent an email to Neil Gaiman asking him for advice, and he wrote back, “Pretend that you’re good at it.”
So, I start writing a diary entry in my computer, which is really a Microsoft Word file, because I can’t write by hand, it’s too slow, and my hand starts to cramp, and I get that indent in my index finger. But I hate to think of writing in a “diary” or what I used to snootily refer to as “my journal”. It feels too much like mental masturbation, although I’m sure other people write really interesting things in their diaries or journals, I just don’t feel that I do.
So, this blog. What am I going to write about? I have no idea. Or at least, I only have one idea so far, and I could stick to it or change it, or forget about it, or whatever. Yeah, I’m stalling. My little idea is to write about my acts of courage, about taking risks, being vulnerable, making a fool of myself, whatever I would be tempted to hide, I’m going to publish. Not stuff that’s private to other people or might upset them, just stuff about me and that includes stuff that other people are okay with sharing.
I’ve already admitted to plagiarizing words from Neil Gaiman, I think it’s obvious I’m probably also plagiarizing The Bloggess’ way of writing although I haven’t read her blog, just her book, and I think most people with anxiety write and talk this way, so I’m probably plagiarizing lots of other people, but hey this blog is free, so you can’t sue me, (I think).
Anyway, this is my new blog. Um, a little about me, I suffer from anxiety and depression, which means everyone around me suffers with my anxiety and depression, but I’m really lucky that most of those people are frankly awesome. I’m a mom with two kids. Lots of fun stuff runs in my family like depression, suicide, and diabetes. These will likely be topics of future posts, so if you’re not into that kind of stuff, you probably won’t want to come back here. But if you are still reading this far, and you do decide to come back, Welcome! and thank you. Please share with me your own acts of courage and taking risks. All too often we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt or getting judged, and I’m inspired by The Bloggess to live my life out loud and proud of my freakishness. It’s what makes me me. Unique/freaky, it’s really all the same thing to me.
So, if you find yourself in a situation where you want to do something but then think, “Oh, I couldn’t do that” (because of so and so, whatever), do it anyway, and Pretend You’re Good at It.