Searching Within to Find God

I’m struggling to figure out what I believe with regard to religion and spirituality. I believe there is an energy that flows through all living things, and this energy has some clear tendencies, although I’m reluctant to say it has any “intelligence.” I know that an apple seed grows into an apple tree, not an orange tree. Although branches can be grafted onto other trees, there are still natural laws that apply.

I simply do not believe in any entity that consciously chooses anything: that chooses that one parent of two young children will die of pancreatic cancer or that a murderer will get away with his crimes. People say, “God works in mysterious ways,” and “God giveth and taketh away,” and I just don’t feel that that’s true.

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And yet, when I spend time meditating, I do feel a sense of calmness that reminds me that it’s possible for me to feel that way more often than not. Maybe our feelings are our guide. Some things just feel better than others, like working together with people rather than trying to bend them to my will.

When I am calm and relaxed, I do feel a sense of “knowing” that’s impossible for me to explain. It’s a kind of faith that “everything is okay.” My thoughts start to chime in, “But there’s war, murder, hunger, and child abuse!” And my inner knowing replies, “Yes, and yet, everything is okay.” Not that it’s right or that I approve that horrible things are happening, but just that there exists inside each of us a place of peace. In the whole expanse of time, these events and this suffering are just a small part.

I get a sense from some of my friends that they feel a little sorry for me when I say I don’t believe in God or heaven. It does feel a little lonely and sad not to have those as comfort. I guess I’m more of an instant gratification kind of girl. I’d rather believe in the god-like energy in the people around me than some deity that’s distinct from me.

I recently read this beautiful letter from a mom to her children, explaining the truth about Santa and how it resembles her understanding of God. She ends the letter:

Finally, always remember that you are Santa (and God) for other people, and other people are Santa (and God) for you. With this letter, I let you in on the secret truth about Santa and God, as I understand them. You’re one of us now. Put all the love and magic you can into your duties as Santa and your little corner of God.

How will you be someone else’s Santa or God today?

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One thought on “Searching Within to Find God

  1. Mara Migraineur January 3, 2014 at 8:02 am Reply

    Ah, I think you’ve actually nailed it right there: “I’d rather believe in the god-like energy in the people around me than some deity that’s distinct from me.” In my opinion, you’ve got it right.

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