My Three-year-old Says the Darnedest Things

I use my Facebook timeline to record funny things my kids say and do. It’s partly to make up for the fact that I never finished a baby book for either of them.

Every few months, I like to go through my updates and revisit their antics. Here are a few posts about Kaylee from the last few months:

This morning Kaylee sighed loudly, and said, “Aahhh, I need coffee!”

Kaylee kept turning the TV off while Zach was watching videos so Daddy warned her she’d get a timeout. She moved the chair we use for timeout and sat in it. She does EVERYTHING on her own, even putting herself in timeout. (My husband described it this way: It had the same feel as a fight scene in a movie where a guy breaks a bottle over his own head to signal, “Come at me, $$$$! I’m crazy as $$$$!”)

Kaylee: I’m old now because I can do it on my own.


Kaylee likes to run and flap her arms like a butterfly. This morning she said, “I’m flapping so fast. Help me!”

When Kaylee gets frustrated, she says, “Oh, fox!” (I should start saying it that way.)

Zach was in the bathroom doing his business, and Kaylee was watching him. Daddy said Zach would probably like some privacy, so she covered her eyes.

I told Kaylee that my mom was in Hong Kong for a few weeks, and she said, “Honk honk?”

Zach was talking about “-2.” Kaylee pronounced it, “Naked of 2.”

Kaylee injured herself two days in a row. I told her she was getting so accident-prone, and asked, “What are you going to do tomorrow? Maybe you should try not hurting yourself.” She said, “I can’t!”

Kaylee didn’t want to go back to school this morning. She kept shouting at her daddy, “I WANT YOU!!!” He told her he was going to work. She hesitated, turned to me and said, “Alright then, I want you!”

One day when we were at Zach’s martial arts school, Kaylee said she wanted it to snow. I told her it doesn’t snow here (we live in the San Francisco Bay Area.) She looked at me like I was an idiot and said, “No, outside!”

Just overheard:
Kaylee: No! Don’t put me in my jammies!
Daddy: Why?
Kaylee: (pause) Because I love you!

Kaylee as a Cool Santa

“Thank you, thank you very much.”

What funny things have your kids said lately?

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